I LOVE…Zombies! Well, yeah! I mean, who doesn’t?!
I could say being from New Orleans and loving zombies go hand in hand. But, really…zombies are one of those ‘universal loves’. Everybody loves zombies!
Growing up, as a swamp person, I first learned about voodoo type zombies. Those are cool because well, you can control them and get them to do your bidding. Laundry, errands, breaking up with a boyfriend, just about anything you’ve no time for, a personal zombie will handle….it just may take a while. (It should be noted that the word ‘bidding’, when not used as a gambling or auctioning term, solely applies to zombies. There are other creatures which can be controlled, however none will do your bidding quite like a zombie.)
Later I learned about the ‘other’ zombies, the really fun zombies! CAUTION: These zombies WILL NOT do your bidding. These are the brain-craving, flesh-eating, contagious zombies. They’re not summoned from beyond the grave by a voodoo priestess or your well-meaning aunt Nora, no…these undead are usually the result of some grand scale pandemic, and that’s just the start of the fun! These guys are hungry, relentless, and hang out in very large numbers! These zombies can easily be identified by the three universally known Zombie Recognition Signs (ZRS)….which are as follows….
1 – Brian eating.
2 – A lack of personal hygiene surpassing that of a college freshmen.
3 – Really freaking poor conversationalist.
The primary reason we all love these zombies is because once they show up all the rules of society get chucked right out the window. Governments collapse, the military has a complete melt-down, and we no longer care whether the batteries in our smoke detectors are fresh. And we all have a no-fail plan for dealing with the Zombie Apocalypse. Yes, admit it, even you. We all know what we’ll do, and how we’ll do it…and we can’t wait! Zombies are the one thing which we can shoot, decapitate, or bash to a pulp indiscriminately, and no one will think a bit less of us, not even PETA. In fact, the more you kill, the more attractive you are.There is no ‘limit’ on zombie killing, no permits necessary, no catch and release programs, and it’s not required that you clean up after yourself. Zombies = life simplified!